Dear Friends,
How was your Thanksgiving? Were you joyfully bustling about, dishing out food and love to family and friends? Were you alone, trying to think of the day as just another Thursday? Or maybe you were with people you care about, in front of a fine-looking turkey but feeling alone because you're going through a tough time right now?
No matter what your experience, the odds are good that some stress was involved. I don't have to list all the reasons why our prefrontal cortex goes into overdrive on holidays. We've all been around long enough to know what stress feels like and to develop some strategies for dealing with it – things like giving ourselves plenty of time to travel, setting boundaries and priorities, focusing on under-reacting to family feuds, and savoring every beautiful moment that comes our way.
I want to pause on that last item – savoring – because it's what I was doing on the American holiday that's dedicated to giving thanks. Savoring is about getting the most out of a good experience; using our minds and actions to increase its intensity, make it last longer, and appreciate it more.
It turns out that savoring is the key to happiness for older adults. And the benefits of savoring don't just come from being "in the moment". We can enjoy the anticipation of an event and then re-experience positive emotions by reminiscing about it. Savoring works before, during and after.
We can savor just about anything: a taste, a scent, a touch, a memory. On Thanksgiving I was focused on savoring the experience of being with people I love. After rushing to make a meal happen I suddenly realized how easy it is in our over-busy lives, with so many distractions, to risk not being fully present with each other, even when we're sitting physically together around a table.
I have made a decision. In this holiday season and beyond, I'm going to set aside more time in which to devote my complete attention to fellow TTN members – women I already care about and others I hope to know better. I'll put my phone away. I'll stop ruminating about my "to do" list. Instead, I'll simply soak up the pleasure of being with her: listen to her stories, share mine with her, laugh together, enjoy her quirks and special qualities. Afterward, I'll take a few minutes to remember our conversation and the things I appreciate about her.
According to science, this – just this – will make me a happier, healthier person, both today and in the future.
What would happen if all of us at TTN made a commitment to savoring? What if, in addition to enjoying our many activities, we made a conscious effort to more fully enjoy each other? Making genuine connections with other women is, after all, the main reason why we're part of this amazing TTN community. I'm pretty sure the result would be good. So hey – I'm going to try it. I hope you'll join me!
With love and excitement about the future,
Darla